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Well, you said possible expense of my happiness, so
that leaves me an out, right? Leaving
happiness aside for a second—because I usually do—I think I’d rather be aware
of everything. I just recently started
taping Jeopardy and watching it
alone. Yes, I know, how pathetic. But I think it keeps my mind sharp. I swear I don’t even pause the questions, and
the other day I only got two—TWO!—questions wrong. I’m all screaming at the screen, “The HMS Beagle!” and “Tycho Brahe!”
Don’t you totally hate
it when the contestants bang away at that buzzer with their thumb, acting all
consternated because it appears to be broken?
I prefer the contestants who hide the buzzer behind the podium and act
all cool and collected. Like they’re not
even stressing or even banging away at the buzzer. Their mind is so brilliant it just makes a
magical “ding” sound and they casually answer, “What is Chief Justice Earl
Warren?”
Alex Trebek must be the
coolest cucumber in all of history. How
can he possibly pretend to be so damned enthusiastic and excited day after day,
year after year? He must be totally aware
of everything. I wonder if he wakes up
at 2:15 AM yelling, “What are Vietnamese water puppets?”